The Coffee Monologues | #17 [Month 7 of Quarantine]
Oh hey, October. Much to my dismay you are pretty much the same as all the other months of 2020 except for the Carmel Mochas. I guess I could say thanks for that, but honestly I was expecting more, so 😷.
I am glad YOU are here, because that means we made it and with the year we’ve been having I think making it counts for just about everything. So I’ll raise my sloshing mug of coffee to you and drink to that!
COVID
It is a funny irony that back in March I thought we’d be back to real life after spring break, a little more rested, ready to take life on again after a two week hiatus of everything.
It is such a different world we live in now seven months later and counting. So many things have become normal that are simply not normal– the masks we wear everywhere, the space we have to leave between us, the way everything begins and ends with a zoom call. At first we didn’t know the rules to this idiocracy we call life, but now we know better and do all the things we’re supposed to by rote.
Except sometimes it can be painfully overwhelming.
Everyone is handling this crisis differently, and without meaning to judge, without meaning to offend, we can do both. Over simple sometimes meaningless things in the grand scheme of people living in bodies damaged by this disease or worse. The social stress of when to say yes and when to say no and who gets to be part of your bubble and who doesn’t is as real an enemy to the soul as this virus is to the body.
Add to the social stress all the other stresses of staying physically, mentally, emotionally healthy, managing a household, educating children, trying to do all the things in a Groundhogs Day kind of existence….is just a lot.
Most days I feel like I’m handling this well, all things considered. Other days my anxiety over all the choices, all the worst-case scenarios, all the balancing of risk, all the managing of other people’s feelings about my personal response to this virus, can cause a serious emotional tidalwave.
Is there a way to do this thing right? To live through this pandemic “well”?
I don’t know. Sometimes I feel like it’s too high a bar. Most days I would be really really happy to just survive – with my health and my heart and my people intact. And though that is the sentiment that keeps me masked and relatively isolated from the life I miss, it doesn’t mean I’m not grieving for all I feel I’ve had to give up to maintain a personal balance of safety and sanity.
I’m sad and I am weary, but also I am hopeful that someday this won’t be the thing that dominates every part of life anymore.
Someday.
Homeschool / Online Public School
While we may be the only family for whom this year of schooling is easier than what we were doing previously, I am profoundly thankful for that tiny mercy in the complexities of this year.
For a long time, I knew 2020-2021 would be a tough year for me academically. Our youngest is in kindergarten, middle is academically homeschooled and bridges to the public school for specials (gym, art, music), and oldest is taking on 3/4 time with the public school and homeschooling the rest. In the pre-COVID world that meant I would be driving between schools A LOT and also taking on another grade of schooling than what I’ve been used to. All this without any help because the hubs and my parents (who retire in a year) are all working.
It took a while to mesh the public school elearning schedule with our homeschool classes but clearly we’ve figured it out. The public school tells me we’ve been at this long enough for there to be report cards coming out, which seems so impossible, but I’m thankful we’ve found our stride.
All thanks be to God.
Good Changes
COVID has definitely brought about some good changes in life and perspective, and I am excited to share about them in another post. For now, I’ll tease you with the news of some really cool home renos we’ve been working on, and some new products in the online shop I am over the moon about.
I am so thankful that God redeems, even this mess of a year we’re calling 2020.
How are you doing, really?
I know I’m not the only one that is limping along. Let’s carry the burden together, friend.