It’s go big or go home for Micah’s birth story. Over the last few days I’ve been sharing about my first go at self-publishing and my last pregnancy. You can catch up on this story and others by clicking here.

It didn’t take long to remember how much I dislike being pregnant.

It’s funny how that happens really, the switch from elation to exhaustion. How the minute you have a child, you completely disavow the nine months of discomfort (and often pain) it takes to get one.

Ah, but it was all coming back to me now.

The heartburn, the nausea, the inability to form cohesive thought. The desire to go nowhere and do nothing except fall haphazardly into bed each night.

And morning.

And afternoon.

I went a solid six-weeks eating nothing but bread and buttered noodles. When the nausea and exhaustion finally subsided it was replaced with sciatic pain, which made accomplishing anything after 6PM a near miracle.

But my favorite – by far – of all the challenging aspects of pregnancy are the stupid things people say to you.

The day I finally decided to call my doctor wondering what in the world I could do to relieve the pain I was in, a very cheerful nurse took my call. She was old enough to be closer to her grandmothering years than her childbearing ones, and blithely unaware.

Oh honey, just lie down! Give yourself a break.

Oh I’m sorry, all I need to do is lie down? LIE DOWN! Huh?! I don’t know WHY I didn’t think of that before! My 6 and 4 year old would LOVE for me to “lie down.” All day in fact. Yes I’ll just “lie down.” No one will notice me “lying down” I’m sure.

Set a goal to finish one thing a day – like the dishes! Be happy to get the dishes done and then don’t worry about anything else.

It was at this point I knew she wasn’t going to help me at all. She wasn’t going to tell me I could take something to make the pain go away, and she wasn’t going to give me any kind of useful life-hack either.

Have you even had children? Do you know the list of things a mom has to do in a day is so. much. longer than “just the dishes?” In what world and under what circumstances are “just the dishes” enough? What about eating? Who makes the food when mom’s done “just the dishes” for the day?

I probably should have just hung up.

Your boys, they’ll manage. They’re still young enough they won’t remember that you put them in front of the television for a whole summer.

Except I’m homeschooling and kind of responsible to God and country for their education. I can’t let them watch movies all summer . . .

Call your mom . . . or your sister! Are they local? They can come help. That’s what they’re there for sweetie.

Cue the crazy hold-them-back-at-all-costs choking-sob kind of tears.

My mom? She has cancer. She needs my help right now . . . and my sister? She’s moving. And I’m happy for her when I’m not sad she’s leaving, because she needs this job, but I am really, really, really going to miss her.

I can’t call my mom.
I can’t call my sister.
I can’t let my kids watch TV all summer.
I can’t just DO THE DISHES.
I can’t go LIE DOWN.
AND NOW I can’t stop crying because you have just reminded me of EVERYTHING that is on my list of things to stress out about.

You have to realize honey that you’re older now. Your body’s done this three times, and well …. you’re just older . . .

Thank you. It’s settled then. I’ll try to get younger. That will definitely make the pain go away. 

My husband, for sure, has never been a fan of the stupid things people say to pregnant women.

Especially when that pregnant woman is me.

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To be continued with another installment of . . .

Prologue | Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Epilogue